Last weekend I was in LA shooting a wonderfully gorgeous wedding. One of the things I love most about
my job is that I am always behind the camera, and in turn I never have to see pictures of my fat ass. One could say I am in a bit of denial. Well last week at the wedding the bride and groom requested a picture with the whole table we were sitting at. That meant me passing my camera to the wedding planner and taking my seat. Say cheese! The result is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life. Huge is a gross understatement. I know some readers will think I should be talking like this. I honestly don't have a self esteem issue. Yes I don't look the way I want to, but I love myself. I am confident and brave enough to lay the issues on the table. I am fat. I need to change. This picture did more for me that anything else possible could. And of course I have to share it with you all. Like I said the the last few posts...I need to be accountable to other people. Enough is enough.
Uggh. This is embarrassing.
Just for funsies...here is a picture of me 100 lbs lighter 10 years ago. Proving that I could be super hot. Thick still? Yes. But that just comes from being a Ballou. And I am fine with that.
If that isn't motivation to go to the gym and eat better I don't think anything will. So I am off to the gym. Loves to all!
xoxo
Tonya
Good luck to you! I know how hard it is to get motivated. Just remember, actions speak louder and promote change. And finding a buddy to keep you on your toes helps. For a while, I hired a trainer because I knew she would be waiting for me at the gym and I was PAYING for her services so that helped me get my ass out of bed and get there on time. After a while, I became used to the schedule and it wasn't so hard.
ReplyDeleteOh this is so brave of you! I recently had the a similar experience. I saw a photo of me and then saw an old photo of me and there was no denying the weight I've gained. Since I decided I needed to get healthier, I have been very vocal about it with people. Letting those around me know I am working hard to get in shape and eat better. Before, I would be embarrassed to admit it and didn't like hearing people's response. This time, since I have actually been brave enough to talk about it, it's been so much easier. Thanks for sharing this Tonya!!
ReplyDeleteI <3 you! I know you can kick ass at anything you put your mind to.
ReplyDeleteThe gym asked me if I had a before picture I could use with my profile. I told them I had 35 years worth. I'm proud of you, keep working hard.
ReplyDeletei know you will freak if i even say this but i feel your pain! i used to look so damn good and now i have a pudgy belly and flabby arms. it's all in the head tho-- it's the stories we tell ourselves about who we are that keep us from having what we want. clear the paper and start out fresh, you have the incredible power to have and be anything you want to, but you have to get uncomfortable first and stop focusing on what you DON'T want.
ReplyDeleteluv sandy
btw i still think you're super hot!
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome Tonya...I had a similar Aha! moment with the last family pics you took of our family. I look so blech. I bought that shirt new for pics and haven't worn it since. Keep going and thanks for the motivation.
ReplyDeleteLove ya' girl...and you are definitely still super hot! Remember, if the gym's not doing it for you, there's a spot for you at Jazzercise...with a great group of gals ready to support you! ;D
ReplyDeleteNothing like an impromptu photo for a reality check! I saw our family's Easter photos, and yeah, I felt the shame. I'm going to dig out a photo of me at my hottest and put it on the fridge for inspiration. Thanks for your awesome blog!
ReplyDeleteArgh. I too share those wonderful Ballou jeans that give me a certain "look" if you will. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be stick thin, and I'm ok with that (most of the time) I am strong and capable, and dammit, you are too! The thing that we also share is confidence. I feel pretty ok about myself and then I see a bad picture and I'm like "Whoa!!!! Really?! I really look like that? YIKES." And that's all it takes to get a girl like you and I down down down. Don't let the bastards grind you down. Whether that's the voice in your head or an image you see of yourself. We can do it!
ReplyDelete